Parenting is a relationship, not a job, according to Susan Engel
A few hearty souls traveled out on a wintry Wednesday night to hear Susan Engel read from and discuss her latest research into the lives of children. Copies of her books Red Flags or Red Herrings?: Predicting who Your Child Will Become and Real Kids: Creating Meaning in Everyday Life were made available courtesy of Water Street Books. Copies are still available at the Williamstown Water Street store.
A warm and engaging presenter, Engel began her talk with some personal anecdotes that presaged her research into certain behavioral characteristics in children. Some things, she argues, simply can’t be changed. Shy children cannot be “made” bolder. Rambunctious children will always test their parents and teachers. But if these traits are honored and if children are shown some tools to manage their behaviors, the result can be terrific. Parenting, she says, is a relationship between parent and child that includes the parent’s history and temperament as well as the child’s nature.
Engel’s undergraduate degree in English gives her scientific writing an eloquence and narrative quality that is polished by years of teaching at Williams. Her conversation with us was peppered with insights into her research methods and the curiosity that shapes her work. After her reading, she fielded questions and comments from the small audience, listening intently, and thoughtfully sharing her ideas based on twenty years of observing children, parents, and teachers.
The take-away for those of us who heard her speak was to be gentle with ourselves and our children —- not to listen to every well-meaning criticism of our parenting styles, to mirror the behaviors we would like to encourage in our kids, and to realize that some characteristics will serve our children well into their future.
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